One of my biggest fears in life is people watching me. I hate it with every ounce of my being. Just the idea of someone staring at me makes me anxious. I don’t know what it is, but I know I hate the feeling. And that’s enough for me! This very real feeling has created an irrational fear in my head over the years. A fear that often stops me from doing more, stepping outside of the box, or expressing the more creative side of me. This idea that people are watching my every move must also mean that they’re watching me fail, fall, and trip up along the way. I’m here to tell you that this idea couldn’t be further from the truth, and that’s coming from a person who hates being watched.
I don’t know where this common social fear came from, especially amongst our generation. I’m not sure if it’s the perceived perfection of success that we’ve absorbed through social media or the lack of more shows like America’s Funniest Home Videos, but for some reason, we all think that we can’t fail. We all seem to think that failing is the most embarrassing thing ever, and we will never be able to socially recover from what people might think when we inevitably make a mistake. I’m not sure if you’re one who frequents the gym, but it’s kind of like we live life the same way as when we first step foot in a gym. We are so worried that everyone is watching us work out that we let the fear and insecurities of what we set out to accomplish stop us from reaching our goal. If you frequent the gym, you know no one is watching you work out. No one cares about your set or how much you struggled on that last rep. The only thing people care about is getting their own workout in and perfecting their own reps. Half the time, people are texting or changing the song in between their sets, too – why? Because they’re not paying you a second of their attention. Life is just like the gym. No one is watching you. No one cares about what you are doing, let alone tallying up all of the times you’ve struggled. I promise. Read more oursocalled20s.com
Ask Yourself
When was the last time you kept score of someone else’s mistakes in life? How often do you sit there and think about the “failures” of others? Do you really remember the last time someone made a mistake while trying to achieve something great? I’m betting you don’t have an answer for these questions because you are not watching and analyzing the mistakes of those around you. You are probably more worried about your to-do list, your goals, and what you need to accomplish in your own life. Just like the gym! You’re not studying other people’s workout plans. You’re just trying to finish yours. So, what makes you think that the rest of the world is operating any differently?
The True Path to Success
I’ve never heard of or seen someone who has a perfectly clean rap sheet to success. I’m confident that such a person does not exist. There’s a concept called “failing forward.” I’ve started to adopt this mentality more and more in my life. The idea of “failing forward” is all about growing through your trip-ups in life, then standing up stronger than when you fell. It’s about falling in the forward direction instead of backwards. It’s about taking the lessons that the set-back offers and applying them to the next chapter. Most importantly, it’s about not letting a “failure” or mistake go to waste but making the best use of it. I think this is the best way to look at all the pitfalls that life will throw your way.
Each time you fall, you’re just getting one step closer to the end goal that you are pursuing. Since when did getting closer to your accomplishments become embarrassing? Life, in many ways, is just like a hypothesis – you know those “if, then” statements we used to make in high school science class. What would happen when your hypothesis was wrong? You would analyze the data you received from your last problem set and come up with a new hypothesis. You would do that over and over again until you reached your answer. Such is life! There is nothing embarrassing about coming up with the wrong hypothesis. It’s part of the game. It will make getting the right hypothesis feel that much sweeter once you do. You know how many times you had to reroute the story to achieve the ending, and odds are, you got a nice laugh out of it at some point along the way.
Character Building
If we all always got what we wanted on the first try, I think we’d all be a bunch of jerks. We wouldn’t understand frustration, sadness, confusion, exhaustion, or perseverance. We’d overall lack empathy and understanding. The same goes for your success story, no matter what it is. You’re going through the trials and tribulations of life right now. Some of you might even be in a rock bottom state. I know I’ve been there before, and I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone. The reality is when you pull yourself out of that dark hole and you look behind you, you appreciate the sunlight all the more. Chances are you want to prevent other people from falling to that same space as well. The low moments and speedbumps that life has to offer only make you a more humble, empathetic, and understanding person. As much as they suck in the moment, these are beautiful character-building moments that you shouldn’t shy away from. In fact, if you can, you should lean into them, give yourself grace, and come out even more victorious and enlightened on the other side.
Reality Will Set You Free
If there is one thing I always ensure everyone in my bubble knows, it’s where I fall short. I will be the first one in my group to say, “I messed up,” “I totally missed the mark,” or, better yet, “I’m treading water over here.” I don’t do this for pity – trust me, half the time I laugh when I share. I do it because I never want people to think for a second that I have it all figured out. I never want people to create this high, unrealistic, unachievable standard about my life. Letting people know where I f*ck up, oh, I love it! Whatever pedestal people want to put my accomplishments on, I’ll be the first one to dim the light.
I can’t tell you how freeing this has been for me over the years. I love transparency as it opens up reality to everyone. There’s no unrealistic standard that you’ll be held to because you pulled the curtain back and showed them everything. I don’t care about showing people that I messed up along the way. It’s part of the story, and I want them to know the full story. I don’t care about telling people that I rewrote my hypothesis a few times along the way. This means people won’t expect me to have the answers to everything, especially in a new experience. Sharing your reality, and sharing it loud and proudly, will set you free in so many ways. The odds are it’ll probably gain you a lot of respect, too!
Do YOU – Fearlessly!
No matter what you do in life, there are sure to be nay-sayers. Those are the people you don’t want to waste your time on. Those are the people you don’t want to entertain. Those are the people who truly don’t want the best for you and are probably just speaking and acting out of jealousy.
The people you do want to listen to are those who support you through your elected journey. The people who want nothing more than for you to succeed and be happy. The people who are there for you when you fall, give you a pep talk about how great you are, dust off your dirt, and give you a slap on the as* as you take off from the starting line again. Those are the people to entertain. Those are the people who love you for who you are. Those are the people worth listening to. So do YOU! Don’t worry about the meaningless thoughts and opinions of those around you. Just worry about fulfilling your goals and dreams. The ones who are supposed to be there next to you will be there. Don’t let others’ negativity stop you from going after what you want. At the end of the day, once you reach that level of success, you’re bound to see those negative faces again, proudly stating how they always knew you could do it. So, just like their words won’t mean anything at the finish line, don’t let them stop you from taking a successful first leap from the starting line.
I know a lot of these things are easier said than done. Trust me, I’m one of the first people to let negative thoughts stop me from chasing after I want. Like I said before, it’s a big focus point of mine this year. Just going after what I want, regardless of what people may think about it. Our So-Called 20s is an example of just that. I’m doing this for me because I feel called to do it and it is something that I gain fulfillment and enjoyment out of. The people who think my goals and aspirations are pointless and a waste of time…I thank them for their opinions and keep on trucking. I would suggest that you do the same. At the end of the day, it’s a marathon, not a sprint. And the people who are watching you are the people on the sidelines holding up funny signs as you run past each mile marker, cheering you on as you reach the finish line. So do you – fearlessly.
