in·ten·tion (n.) Intention – “the thing that you plan to do or achieve : an aim or purpose.”

In our 20s, we really start learning how to navigate the relationships in our lives. Whether it’s learning how to move through our family dynamics, working and communicating with our partners in our relationships, finding a partner for a relationship, understanding how to deal with that annoying co-worker, or enduring the process of gaining and losing friends, relationships are tricky to navigate. For the first time, they’re no longer force-fed from our parents or our school schedule, and we instead have free range to pick and choose who we walk forward with. This freedom of choice is powerful and should be taken with pride and intentionality. At the end of the day, these individuals will be with you through the good, the bad, and the ugly, and you want to make sure you’ve set yourself up for success.

The Social Media Standard

In today’s modern society, social media has warped our perception of friends and community. Social media platforms have led us to believe that our friends are the people who follow our accounts, like our photos, comment on our newest spring break pictures, or give us instant satisfaction online. The way you win the game is by having the highest number of friends/followers. It’s not about quality, but quantity. The more friends/followers you have, the more popular you are, which is supposed to make you feel more loved and fulfilled…right?

Social media creates this idea the FOMO (fear of missing out) and gives value to showing off every part of your life. You are supposed to go out every night, be the life of the party, always have fun, make the best memories, travel the world, enjoy fine dining, and have those social media worthy once-in-a-lifetime experiences, no matter where you are. I know at our core, we all know how manufactured this “reality” is, but, at the end of the day, it’s still instantly praised and revered. Think about it. The photo of you and that estranged friend from college on a jet ski in Tulum will gain a ton more likes than a photo of you and your family around a dinner table in matching Christmas sweaters. There’s no question about it. We live in a world where intentional relationships don’t seem to matter, but instead the fun, desirable ones appear to hold more weight. Read more  oursocalled20s.com

Childhood Friends

We all have those friends we’ve known since we were in 2nd grade. We made friendship bracelets with them, played basketball in their driveways, and went to every one of their birthday parties over the years. We thought we’d grow old with them, and for some, this reality played out. But it’s also okay to drift apart, grow in different directions, or move into the next season without them. I don’t say this to be cynical or negative. I have some super close friends from childhood, and then I have those friends who I’ve recently grown in a different direction from or see differently. This doesn’t mean that they are suddenly a bad person or that our relationship never meant anything. Sometimes, it just means that this “season” is over and a new one is coming. Some people aren’t meant to be in your life forever, but rather for a certain “season” or period of time.

As we all get older, we turn into our own people. We grow (hopefully) in our morals, ethics, and standards, and it’s unfair to expect everyone in your childhood to follow your same path, in the same way, at the same time. With that being said, as you get older, especially in your 20s, the standard of friendship no longer focuses on how well you play hopscotch together. It shifts into seeing how well you each play into the other’s life, goals, morals, and ethics. I want to make it clear that this doesn’t mean that you both have to agree in every aspect of your lives. I don’t necessarily find that to be a healthy metric to “rate” people on. Differences in opinion can be a great thing in your community. However, I do believe that there is a subset of boundaries or lines that every person should have and continue to develop as they mature. Sometimes that childhood friend doesn’t make the cut for your next season of life, and that is okay. You can still care for and love this person. It just might look a little different going forward.

Look Around

While you’re thinking about your community, I want you to ask yourself some questions:

• Who do you call when sh*t hits the fan?
• Who do you want your kids to look up to or call for advice one day?
• Who do you want standing next to you at your wedding?
  Who would give your best man/woman speech and talk about you and your life?
• Are the people in your life only good for the high moments, or can they weather through the downs?
• Do the people in your life now challenge you to be a better person?
• Do the people in your life now challenge themselves to be better people?
• Do the people in your life now call you out when you slip up?
• Do these people know the true you or about your real life?
• Can you laugh, cry, grow, and explore with these people?

If you can’t name someone or a few people for each question, or you find yourself answering the same single person for each question, it might be time to re-evaluate. I have personally found these questions to be a great reality check for myself. This is how you build an intentional community. It’s not about the people who you can just go out with to have fun. It’s about depth, intention, and setting your life and community up for success. Life won’t always be hunky-dory, and when it’s not and the bumps in the road ensue, you want to have stable people and a safety net around you to help you work through the obstacles and come out a better, stronger, and wiser person on the other end. Otherwise, your “community” might only throw you a great party, but unfortunately, parties don’t solve problems. If anything, they create them, haha.

Activity

When I was in high school, my volleyball coach instructed my team to do an exercise that I still use to this day. I personally find it to be very telling. The exercise is as follows:

• Make a list of the five words or characteristics you’d want to be described by.
• Make a list of the words that other people would use to describe your five closest friends (three words per person).

Do you see any overlap or opposing words between your list and your friends’ list? Think about it. What do you think this says about you? How does your community reflect upon you, your values, desires, and goals?

“You are the combination of the five people you spend the most time around.”

This saying, although old and often used, is so true! What does this say about your friend group? More importantly, how can you expect yourself to turn out any different, whether for good or bad?

Community

com·mu·ni·ty (n.) – the people living in one particular area or people who are considered as a unit because of their common interests, social group, or nationality.

Your community is truly your safety net when you fall and your protection when you feel weak or become blind to what’s upcoming. I don’t imagine you would go to the store and buy a weak safety net, so why would you knowingly build a weak one for yourself?

If you take away the glitz and the glam of life, strip away your followers or “online friends,” your community is all you have at the end of the day. So, forget about the superficial, shallow, and weightless things. Focus on the tangible things you can reach out for when you slip off an edge. Invest your energy in building yourself a fortress! This is your foundation for life, so don’t skimp out on yourself, and don’t be lazy. Birds of a feather flock together. Make sure you’re flying with the best you find.

Sources
“Intent” and “intention” | Britannica Dictionary. www.britannica.com/dictionary/eb/qa/intent-and-intention.
community. 22 May 2024, dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/community.