Do you ever feel like people constantly expect you to know what you want in every aspect of your life right now? What’s your dream job title? Where do you want to settle down? What do you want in a partner? When will you get married? What are you going to do next? What do you want for your life? Where do you see yourself in ten years? I feel like these are questions I hear on the daily.

If you’re anything like me, the answer to many of these questions isn’t as strong or as confident as people expect them to be. I personally think that so much about society, life, and my own expectations for my life change year after year. So, to say that I am confident about my wants ten years from now, let alone five or two years from now – impossible. It feels like society puts all this pressure on you to know what you want out of life now, so you can make all the right decisions to ensure you end up at the finish line. Sometimes I wish there was just as much effort put into asking what we don’t want. If you think about it, knowing what you don’t want is just as important, right? It’s almost like the process of elimination but with your whole life. You may not be confident in the exact thing that you want, but you for sure know where you don’t want to go. I might be totally missing the mark here, but I think knowing what you don’t want is just as important. It’s something we should lean into more.

Career
If you are someone who knows what you want to do for the rest of your life, and you know the exact job title you’re gunning for, I salute you. I can’t say that applies to me. I am lucky to have a pretty solid footing in my career, and I am farther ahead than I think anyone ever expected in such a short amount of time compared to the industry standard. I’m very grateful for the opportunities that I’ve had and all the places I’ve been able to go to because of my career. I’m grateful for the fact that I’ve been able to really dive deep into my world and be trusted to dabble in different sectors of my industry so early in my career, as well. If you asked me five years ago if I thought I’d be doing what I’m doing now, the answer would be a flat out “no.” If you asked me if this is what I ever saw myself doing, I’d say “no.” And if you asked me if I regret the direction I’ve taken, I’d also say “no.” Although I see myself in the final days of my current industry, I know everything I’ve done and will continue to do is only a steppingstone to the greater things I’m likely to do later in my life. Read more  oursocalled20s.com

I share this with you for many reasons. For starters, I’m working in the exact industry I went to school for. I’m working in the exact industry that I was infatuated with as a kid growing up. I’m doing what my closest friends and family always expected me to do. But now I’m in deep, and I find myself questioning, “Is this what I want to do? Or were these just the opportunities I was given that I kept saying ‘yes’ to?” Don’t get me wrong, I love my industry, and I will always find myself reverting back to it in some way, but at the same time, I feel there’s something more for me out there that I’ve yet to discover. Even now, in my spot today, I don’t know what I want to do for the rest of my career. I’m just learning what I don’t want and trying to reach that answer through process and elimination. I know one day I want to own my own business. In what area? At this point in my life, my answer is “industry agnostic.” I think the world is going to change so much by the time I’m ready to take that big leap of faith, but for now, I know what I don’t want out of my work life. I know what I need to learn more and what my current strengths are. I know where I don’t want to be in my career 10 years from now, and I think that is just as important as “knowing” some pie in the sky end goal. The reality is that the pie is bound to change. So, why would I chase after something that truly isn’t as fixed as it appears?

Your Partner
This is a fun one to me. How many of us had our dream girlfriends/boyfriends conjured in our heads growing up? How many of us thought we knew what they would look like, what they’d like to do, what our dynamic would be, so on and so on? How many of us actually guessed right? I know I have not been right once in this department, lol. Might I add that I couldn’t be happier that I was wrong. And I’m not just talking about the way someone looks, but about who the person actually is. The ways that they differ from me and the ways that they are similar to me. The things that we taught each other and the things they taught me. I didn’t know a thing. I didn’t even realize all that I needed in a partner until I had things I realized were good for me.

I think knowing everything you want in a partner is a farse. Sure, there are basic things you should know. Basic thoughts like, “I want someone who makes me smile, someone who makes me feel safe, someone who makes me feel confident, someone who makes me feel valued, someone who makes me happy.” Those should be a given. But maybe something that you’ll discover is that you need someone who’s more patient than you, who aligns perfectly on the big stuff yet opens your mind to the smaller stuff. Maybe you’ll find that you need someone who calls you out on your slip-ups and gets in front of you when you’re doing too much in life. If someone asked you who you want your future partner to be, it’s okay to say, “I don’t know, but I know what I don’t want.” I think knowing that you don’t want someone who’s negative, arrogant, disrespectful, unintelligent, etc. will knock many people out of the race and helps you start to narrow things down. At the end of the day, wanting someone who complements you, makes you better every day, and someone you can do anything in life with…that’s worth noting. The rest will come with time. There’s no reason to have all the answers today.

Where You Call Home
This one is my favorite question. Anyone who knows me knows I travel a lot – mostly for work, so it’s not like I’m just galivanting around the world for fun and adventure, but I’ve seen a good bit of the world. I still have a lot to go, but I’m grateful for what I have seen thus far. People ask me all the time, “So, where do you want to settle down?” I still don’t know the direct answer to this. Every place has its pros and cons. Every place has its lack of something and slightly annoying aspects. I couldn’t even tell you where I think I’ll be living next year, but I can tell you what environment I’m seeking in this chapter of my life. I can tell you what I know is a healthy and unhealthy environment for me. I can tell you what elements I like to have accessible in the place that I live. When I look into the future, I can tell you what elements of life I hope my kids will have as they grow up. I can tell you what I hope they won’t have to experience in their own backyards. I can tell you what I do not want to be around at an older age. But could I name a country, city, or state in which all of my boxes are checked? Let alone define what all of my boxes are? Not at all. And that’s okay! Knowing what I don’t like in my living environment will push me just that much closer to finding the place that I do prefer one day. Whether that be for next year or ten years from now.

Don’t let the unknown or not having a definite answer discourage you from heading in a direction. At the end of the day, knowing what you don’t want will get you closer to the answers you didn’t realize you were looking for. The more you walk away from the things you do not wish to seek out, the stronger the paths of what you are seeking will appear. Don’t let people pressure you into divulging an answer today, because when you get there, you might realize it doesn’t fulfill you as much as you once thought it would. Giving yourself options will never make a move permanent.