Time. The thing in life I’ve always feared, gotten anxious about, and hated all at the same time.

Time. It’s been the thing I’ve always wanted to speed up and just get to the point.

Time. The thing that’s had me glued to a clock watching each second tick away, focusing on the future while I’m missing out on the present.

I can’t say that I’m known for being an impatient person, because I don’t think that’s quite it. I think many people would say that I am a patient person. I think only the closest people to me know, that at my core, I can be an anxious person about the things I care about most – I guess we probably all are by that premise. I care so deeply about my goals and the finish line, that the stuff in the middle – I’d rather skip over – at least the old me used to feel that way.

It’s been a wild few years, and the last year has been one to remember for sure. I’ve learned many things over this past year. I’ve learned a lot about myself. I’ve learned a lot about those around me and the people I care most about. I’ve learned a lot about what I thought I wanted out of life, and what I now realize I truly want out of life. Most importantly, I learned to grow a new perspective on time.

1. The End Goal Isn’t Everything.

My eyes used to be fixed upon the finish line. I’d do anything to make sure it happened, and I’d give up anything for its certainty. This past year, I realized that the end goal is such a static way of looking at time. Fixing myself upon the finish line meant one thing—I missed the lessons that the journey had in store for me to make the finish line just that much sweeter.

I don’t know if you’ve ever trained for a marathon – if you haven’t gotten to this part of your 20s yet, congratulations, you’ve somehow gotten past the cults that are run clubs in your 20s, ha. But if you can imagine training for a marathon (a marathon is 26.2 miles for those who don’t know), it’s a JOURNEY to say the least.

When you train for a marathon, you start by probably barely getting through a mile without feeling out of breath. Then after a while, you’re running 13 miles, and that feels like the first mile you ever ran. At this point, you’ve stopped going out for Friday night drinks, because you’re so hyper-focused on feeling and being your greatest. While training, you sustain some injuries along the way. You learn how to start pacing food and water at different mile markers, so your body gets used to digesting and fueling you throughout the run. Then eventually, eventually, you complete your first 26-mile run, and you fully feel what you’re in for! Marathon day is a couple weeks away, and you’re excited, but also probably a bit tired. You see the big day on your calendar, and you’re excited for it, but you also have to remember to rest for it. This way, you don’t overwork your body and tire yourself out before the big day. The big day comes, and you wake up bright and early to get to the start of the race, and you’re off. The thing you’ve been training for is finally here, and you remember everything you worked on and learned to get to this point. Each mile marker is now a representation of an action to help you get to the next. You get to the halfway point, and you’re full of adrenaline, ready to get to the end. The last five miles suddenly become a bit harder, but you finish it. You finish the marathon, and your body is beaten, but your mind is full of dopamine. All of the people who were cheering you on as you were running, they’re at that finish line giving you the biggest hugs and high fives, congratulating you on the humongous feat. You did it. You did the damn thing and man does it feel sweet!

I just want to point out, that crossing the finish line didn’t feel sweet because you completed the marathon – maybe in part it does, but that’s not the whole picture. The whole picture is the journey. From day one, when you couldn’t get through a mile without being winded, to completing 26.2 miles and a damn marathon at that. All the hiccups, new trials and tribulations along the way, the continuous story of overcoming the last, that’s what made it so sweet. That’s the whole picture! If you took away the journey, you’d just be left with a mundane task, and something tells me that wouldn’t have been as fulfilling.

This year, I’ve learned to look at time in this exact way, as cheesy as this might sound. Don’t get me wrong, I still want that end goal, but I’m now realizing, that the end goal isn’t that sweet without the journey. And to be honest, the finish line isn’t the best part. The best part is all the growth, lessons, and people you meet along the way of the journey to the finish line. When you rush time, you miss the journey, you lose the stories, and you stifle the growth that time allows.

2. There Is Beauty in the Suffering

I know this phrase is so cliché – but honestly, it’s true. They say pressure makes diamonds. Rushing water smooths rocks and stones. Experience is the best teacher. All of these things are made possible with the beauty of time. If you shorten the amount of time allotted in your journey, I’m sure you’ll end up with a stone, but it won’t be a diamond – the hardest Earthly substance. If you rush the process, you can end up with a smoother rock – but it won’t be a beautifully rounded pebble. If you sit and wait for time to hurry up – you’ll end up getting something, but you’ll miss the experience and great teachings that the world has to offer you. There is beauty in the now that will make you appreciate the joy that is to come, just that much more.

3. Don’t Feed into The Modern Day Pressures

I can’t be alone in the pressure I feel to do everything all at once, all before the last fleck of sand hits the bottom of the timer. I get it. I know in my own life, some things are self-inflicted, but I also know that many things come from societal pressure. The pressure to have it all figured out before a certain age. The pressure to travel to all these places before “life happens” and you can’t travel as freely anymore. The pressure to find that person, before all the “good ones” are gone and you’re left with the “left-overs”. Oh and make silly mistakes and go out and get “all the party” out of you, before you have to “really grow up”. Trust me, I get it. I think about everything, all the time. But one thing I’ve started to ask myself lately, is what timeline is this all based off? Who’s timeline at that? Is it the timeline of the generations before us? I’d argue it probably is. “Your 30s are the new 20s,” they say – I’m not sure I’m sold on that, but one thing I am certain of is the shift of our generation’s priorities. It used to be that you focused on getting married and having kids in your 20s, and then in your 30s, you’d focus on grinding and providing for your family. But what if, hear me out, what if your 20s were the time you focused on yourself, your growth, finding someone to grow with, and then in your 30s, you worried about planting roots with that person, putting all that growth to work, loving yourself and having kids with that person you got to see grow alongside you? What if it was reversed? What if your 20s were about the foundation of the house, and your 30s were about picking out the furniture and décor? That’s how I’ve started to see my life and how I want to spend time. This new perspective has helped me release the pressure valve that society has created around the time in my 20s.

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4. There Are Little Lessons Throughout Everything

I can’t say that this year of life has been my favorite. It for sure hasn’t been my worst and I wouldn’t even put it in the top five, but it most definitely wasn’t the year I was looking for as I watched the ball drop in January. Naturally, I wanted to get through it. I wanted to get to “the good part” as they say. I wanted to just find peace again – but life had a different plan in store. Little did I know, I could find peace in the interim. Little did I know, that the biggest moments of growth were going to be throughout the journey and not at the end of it. Little did I know, I’d learn so much about myself in the process. Better yet, little did I know I could laugh so much and make so many memories while I trained for mile 26.2. If I had to guess, I still have another nine miles to go, before I get to mile marker 26.2, and that’s okay. For the first time in my life, when I look behind me, I realize that I’ve run and trained for 17.2 miles, and that’s a lot farther than one mile. When I look back, I realize the new skills and lessons I learned at each mile marker and how they’ve helped me up to this point. Most importantly, when I look ahead, I’m excited and grateful for all the things the next nine miles have in store for me.

Sure, there’s an element of this that is still a race, but like most people running a marathon, I’m not running it for the winning time, I’m just trying to finish it for my own sake. I’m not an Olympian, so I’m not going to set a new record, and that’s not what this whole thing was about to begin with. It was about completing it. It was about doing the damn thing, and I’m doing the damn thing if I do say so myself. So when I get to mile 26.2, I might hurt a bit, I might exhausted, but I’m going to celebrate like no one else’s business, because I know the journey it took to get here.

5. Wait For The Diamond

Harness each stride and don’t rush the journey – no matter how thick or murky the water gets – because I promise you the gems you’ll find along the way, are going to be so much more rewarding than the rushed stone that lies at the finish line. Give yourself time to be rewarded with a diamond. And this is coming from the person who used to celebrate the passing of time and missed gems. Now, as this year comes to a close, I couldn’t image not having the gems in my pocket that I’ve collected over time. I couldn’t imagine knowing less about myself than I have discovered so far this year. And most importantly, I couldn’t imagine a life without the memories I’ve made this year. Time is a fickle thing. The funny thing I’ve learned about time is that you can’t stop it, you can’t rush it, but you sure can miss what it has to offer. They say that time is the most valuable thing that man can spend, so go spend it wisely. Get all you can out of it, because at the end of the day, it’s the one thing you can’t get back. So ask yourself, if you had to give it away, what would you want in return for it? I know I’d want as many gems as possible and a diamond to go with it.